Independence

It's so nice walking down Yishun interchange after so long. I got so much attention. Hehe.

Smiles plastered across all of our faces. But what can you actually see?

I don't know why I'm so fucking disappointed with Josh. It's like all my efforts are flushed down the drain at the very instant when he said I didn't care for him at all. I feel fucking hurt when each and everytime he say the same old sentence. You know that I can buy alot of new clothes and stuff for myself but I forsake all this shit to pay for his meals so that he wouldnt starve and his transport and all but he don't even appreciate it. If he does, he wouldn't even say that! Plus, he dont even buy things for me when he has the money!! :< He's not even thankful!

Sometimes, I still ponder on that day.

-

Ohyah, Im not done yet dairy!
Did I told you I just found someone new? It's like I've met my soulmate but Im not very sure of it yet. We're new together, it's like fucking 3 months and we're quarrelling like every single day but it's always my fault, you see. So, as time past, I'll let you know about it.

I miss having to write poems and now I think I totally forgot how to. I miss having to pour every single things out to you 'cause I just read the past entries in this little livejournal and it was worth remembering. Actually, I think every part of my life is worth remembering.

Anyway, its been ages since I wrote here and I suddenly remembered abt lj where no one reads it so here it goes.

Firstly, I just got back my O level results which is one of the major education in Singapore. But fuck, I didnt get points which are any where near happiness. I din broke down this time 'cause as I grow older I just hate showing people how I feel. So yup, I am of cos disappointed with myself but I cause all these to happen so I've got no one to blame but myself. I cant confirm Im going to top the new sch 'cause I said that every single year. But I wanna do well and prove to every single living creature that I can do it. I dont want any single fucking soul to look down on me!

And my new resolutions are suppose to be able to change myself or mold into someone better but before posting this, I went to read my archives in lj and I found out that I said that to myself every single damn fucking year. So I am not gonna do that this year. Though I still wanna stop all these nonsense, I'll just keep that in mind and not do it so often.

You know all these bad habits have been stuck with me for fucking 16 years, give me time to change, would you?

I  A M  F U C K I N  A N G R Y  but i can't let it out because i cant let him know that i'm pissed. srsly, i wish he was dead by now. Fuckin dead.

Get your retribution soon.

why?

One last glance of all th photos.. nd i deleted them all. They were all taken during th first week. Which was th happiest moment i shared with Dwayne. But th relationship was deteriorating soon after. I always thought th problem doesn't lies in me till he told me he dont feel love as much so i tried my best t do whatever i can.

When i thought i couldnt hold on any longer, he assured me that he really loves me nd is still serious in our relationship. Well, idk what th hell happened. But i guess, it time t let go. And now i realise, you dont mean what you say. Generally, most of th guys dont.

Soon after, i tried finding replacements.
There's this guy who told me he likes me. But i found out that i wasnt th only girl he is interested in. I was like 'wtf'. 

However, whenever im left alone, i tend t have wild thoughts nd started tearing. I never once thought i really like dwayne but i guess its too late now.

Im doing my best t ignore now.
What else could i do?

We started as friends, think of nothing more. We had grown as days passed. And in what seem like forever, i fell into your trap. Trap of lies nd deception. I was too gullible nd naive t get close t you despite numerous ppl warning me abt you. I thought when we call each other best, we shouldn't be hiding anything.

Idk why there's a need for you t hide nd avoid me. What a friend. I kind of pity you 'cause you're always so tired trying t put on a front face infront of me.
Never such things have ever occurred in my entire life. Though it seems small aft i've thought tru, but i felt cheated. However, i hope you'll stop doing such things because you'll gradually lose friends.

So much for th 'bbf' haaaaaaa. what a joke.
And despite how much i've miss you, i think you dont even bother anymore. I rlly dont want this friendship t end but you, ignoring me, what more could i do?
Goodbye, for th last time.

I sort of sprained my back. Out.Of.A.Sudden.

How unlucky. Im not going t sch tmrw!
Hobinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn's place, agn.

i lazy post pictures.
And im thinking if i should change back t blogger.

Why does a person gives up so easily?
That's not call true love, isnt it?

Life's a misery.

A part of me wants you t give it up, a part of me doesnt.
but its stupid, useless nd pointless even if im feeling th same way as you do.
cause there's bloody no way, we belong together.

Hopefully..
we could still hang out together nd i could still pinch you.
haaaaaaa.

Love you, my dear friend.

ps: th first guy i've ever known, who said 'no' when i said 'give it up'
Its a record.

4days of holiday, sibei shiok.
My letter just cameeeeeeeee, buay shiok liao.
there goes my 30bucks!

Ah lian wan suai. Fuck, what a twit.
Xiao ah lian.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

One month has past, forget-him-not.
I'll leave it t fate.

Meanwhile, its time t mingleeeeeeeeeee.
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So few weeks back i sprained my ankle during a netball match at i forgot what sch. Never in my whole entire life, i couldnt walk properly. Dad has t bring me over t th chinese doctor for sme fucking painful rubbing. Lol. Still, i manage t go out every single day with th bandage over my left foot, walking like a crippled.

Now, its Zira's turn. Her's is even worst. Hope it has swelled. BestZebra what. I sprain, she also sprain. So, im gna see you tonight i guess. Love.

And as usual, im gna have my 4hours of non-stop tuition in approx 5hours time. And as usual, i am reluctant t attend that stupid thing.

And so ytd, had lunch at 925 with Gerald nd Yt. Th longing of chicken rice..... 's smell in your breath. Yucks! HAHAHA. Gerald, only our breath smells th nicest. Met up with Marcus, Gerard nd Tong hui. Waited for yeexin outside 'cosway'. JOKE!

Went over t Ahyang's bbq at 111. Eh siao eh, happy birthday! :D Ohwell, he wont read my blog anw. Sometimes, it feels so good t sit ard nd have sme lame chatting sessions with old friends. Ahhhhh. so good. Home ard 2am plus. But i only get my not-so-beauty slp ard 4 in th morning. 'cause of this ass who refuses t hang up th phone!

This is th cake th 4 of us bought for Chan. Frm my aspect, i think this is super chio. And th best part was, everyone of us got t eat our own picture but that stupid Melvin! he ate my head. Damn asshole right? Lol. Well, just a cake only la, melvin. hahahaha(: